02 MAY 2024

Why Family Meetings Help Children Develop Better Habits

Read time: 5 minutes
Children are often never taught in a long form conversation that there is a time and place for everything. In our Weekly Family Meeting, before I teach no device time, I have to teach that there is a time and place for everything.
Allowing them to understand that simple concept prepares them to self manage device time. This is what we want.
1: No devices during any meal.
During meals the kids were used to being on their phones.
There was resistance but the way I implemented this was simply taking the phones before we departed for the restaurant.
When we arrive at the restaurant the subtle magic starts to unfold.
  • Conversations start to happen. They are asking mom and dad questions about the menu. What is Pots de Crème? What are Lardons? What is an Amuse Bouche?
  • They are not distracted when Mom reminds them to place their napkin on their lap. They are taught to take the formality of the meal seriously.
  • And what we found is with their attention completely undivided they are mimicking mom and dad’s behavior with good table manners.
  • They also start to listen to mom and dad conversations and ask questions that challenge their intellectual capabilities.
  • After the meal, remember there are no phones, this goes for the parents too. We found that our kids magically start to become affectionate. Leaving their chairs to come sit on our laps or hold our hands a different side of them is exposed when devices are removed.
2: No devices when in the car
If you remember, the children’s devices stay at home when we depart for the restaurant. For example, the kids get into the car with no technology of any sort. Yes, there is some kicking and screaming at first but after a few moments the kids do a few things in the back seat.
  • They start looking outside the car window. I remind them it’s ok to be bored and to day dream.
  • They start asking mom and dad questions. My wife and I are often talking about family events as she has an extensively large Vietnamese family and I have an extensively large Greek family and the kids are able to get a little perspective on how each family tree is organized.
  • They start having their own conversations between each other.
  • Keep in mind the devices go away any time we are in any vehicle. This means even on the way to school. Only when they arrive at school are they allowed to have their phones back. Again, this allows for their mind to take a glance outside, watch the sunrise and get familiar with their surroundings.
3: No devices when visiting relatives or friends
Grandfather and Grandmother live a few miles down the road. And we get a chance to see them about twice a month. Originally during these visits the kids would have their devices and plop themselves on the coach never lifting their heads for proper interaction. In these scenarios the devices are removed again the behavior changes immediately.
  • Both my boys immediately started grabbing their Grandfather and asking him how tall he was. Then the three of them started to measure each other’s height to see who was going the fastest. It’s a small and subtle interaction but a joy to see.
  • The boys are not sitting at the dinner table listening to conversions coming from their grandparents this time. Asking questions and absorbing.
$: Ongoing screen time managed / Parent action items
Can’t all of this be solved by just managing screen time. The answer to that question is a resounding no!
  • For example, when we limit screen time for social media or games, what we found is they just use their phones for other things. Texting with friends, looking at photos and you are back to the original problem all over again.
  • So the idea still remains that the actual devices need to be taken away.
If you are wondering how this all landed with our kids I’ll leave you with this…
After two months of removing devices during any meal, my youngest leans over to me in a wispier and says, “That girl has been on her iPad during the entire meal. The parents haven’t said a word to her the entire meal. That is so sad”.
So where are we now? The start of the journey my youngest boy was 11 years old, today he is 14. This morning, as I drove him to school, the sun was rising, his iPhone was on his lap, he asked me ‘How did you sleep?’ I told him ‘I slept well’. His gaze then shifted outside looking at the sunrise behind us and he shouted and pointed out the window “Look a turkey!”.
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